


Fake Protagonist

by perthtalay



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 00 Line Are Best Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Lee Felix, Bisexual Han Jisung | Han, Friends to Lovers, Gay Hwang Hyunjin, Heartbreak, M/M, Married Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Minor Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Minor Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Movie Reference, Multiple Relationships, POV Han Jisung | Han, Playboy Hwang Hyunjin, Secret Crush, Theory Of Love AU, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22759684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perthtalay/pseuds/perthtalay
Summary: [ON HOLD, TO BE EDITED]Jisung is a filmology major and best friends with Felix, Seungmin and Hyunjin. But Jisung has a secret – he has been in love with Hyunjin for three years.For three years has he kept his love in secret, because there is absolutely no future between them. Hyunjin is an absolute player and to make matters worse, has a "no dating friends" policy.  Jisung has tried everything to see Hyunjin as just a friend. But has failed time and time again. He can't fall out of love that easily. That is until he learns something about Hyunjin that breaks his heart completely.But when Jisung decides to stop, Hyunjin decides to start.___Or where Jisung is hopelessly in love with Hyunjin until Hyunjin breaks his heart one too many times.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han & Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin & Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Minho | Lee Know & Seo Changbin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	1. Best friends

"Well, there you go. Nothing is harder than getting over someone while you still love them with all your heart, even though your brain tells you that it's not possi– Hey!" I suddenly feel a hit of a pillow at the back of my head and I know exactly who had thrown it.

"So emotional and dramatic," he laughs as I frown. "Are you filming a movie review or hosting a relationship talk show?"

I just groan in response, but he doesn't stop talking.

"Can't you try to close as quickly as I do? Get to the end and just finish. That's it, man!"

"This is how you do movie reviews or get with boys?" I mutter, rolling my eyes at him. He's so annoying, as always. "If you're such an expert, come and help me with it."

He laughs. "Hell no! It's your review, you do it. Besides, I'm going on a date."

 _Oh_. Of course.

And of course the doorbell rings just as he says that. I get up to open the door, but he exclaims a quick "don't go", so I sit back in my place.

"It's probably Daehwi. I'll go get it."

It indeed is Daehwi, not that I've seen him before, but I can understand from the way they're standing next to each other that it must be his new boyfriend. New, because two weeks ago it was Yongseung.

He dashes to the door, turning around to face me just before opening it. "Have a nice day, dude. Love you," he giggles as he blows a kiss at me. I smile at him back.

This guy's name is Hyunjin. He's tall, handsome and absolutely annoying. And he's my best friend. Born a smart-ass. Also, he has some weird habits that make my head hurt on daily basis.

For example, he needs to have a meal at exactly noon. This has resulted in many occasions where I would awkwardly stand behind him as he nagged the lady selling food in our faculty's canteen to give him some rice with fish sauce a few seconds before 12. She always gives in though. I think she has a soft spot for him – I mean, who wouldn't have?

Besides the meals that he needs to have on time, boys are his constant source of nourishment. A player by nature, plus his idol-like looks… He's definitely had girls from almost every faculty in our university. We actually bickered one day about it, after he broke up with Younghoon from medicine faculty.

_"Finally, I've hit every faculty in this uni!"_

_"Not possible. Social administration?"_

_"Chanyoung."_

_"Fisheries technology?"_

_"Mingi."_

_"Agriculture International Program?"_

_"Renjun_ and _Chenle. I dated them both at the same time._

_"Oh man, are you here even to study or just hook up with boys?"_

_"I think you don't want to hear my answer. There's one faculty, though, that I'd never date."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Communication arts, especially a film major. I don't date friends."_

Hyunjin isn't possessive of his friends or belongings in general, but there's one thing he wouldn't share.

Charlie. His motorbike.

Well, he wouldn't share unless you're _his boo_ , as he likes to refer to his new boyfriends. Even if we were going in the same direction, hell, the same _place_ , he'd tell me to bring my car instead of giving me a ride.

Even though Hyunjin has a lot of flaws, none of them can compare to this one.

_He makes me fall in love._

***

"Listen, Daehwi, I told you I'm playing ping pong with my friends."

I don't mean to listen to Hyunjin's conversation with his boyfriend, but it's not like I can stop hearing it when he's sitting next to me while we're both watching Felix and Seungmin playing. It's actually kinda interesting, even though I don't like ping pong that much, but it's only because both of them are really good at it.

"Why would I lie to you?"

He hasn't played in at least last thirty minutes because he was busy chasing me around the tennis tables to get his water bottle back and then he said he's too tired to play. I'm not sure if he has never even started one game. But _sure_ , Hyunjin, you're not lying.

"I'm not seeing anyone else than you."

 _Oh._ So that's where the conversation is going.

"If you can't get it together, let's break up."

I stare at Hyunjin in horror as he hangs up. Even though I've known him for three years already, I'm still in shock every time he treats someone like this. I can't help but smile a little though. Every time he's single I feel a little bit of hope that maybe I may have a chance with him.

"Hey, Jisung, wanna catch a movie this afternoon? To celebrate me being single," he asks me and my eyes widen in surprise.

"You're single again?" I ask as if I hasn't heard him talking with Daehwi. "What kind of person changes boyfriends like he changes his clothes?"

He smirks and I feel warmth within. "A hot person. You're going or not?" he insists, acting like what I said didn't matter. Knowing Hyunjin, it didn't. "Be happy that you get a chance to watch a movie with a hot dude like me."

Of course I'm _happy_. But I only smile a little and grab my bag from the corner of the room, dodging the ball that Seungmin sends in my direction.

"Hey, guys!" Hyunjin suddenly shouts and I get a feeling that he's about to say something that will break my heart a little. "Dowoon from Accounting just asked me out. Gotta go!"

"What about me?" I yell from the other side of the room, making Felix and Seungmin stare at me.

Hyunjin tuts. "Do whatever you were going to do before I asked you, of course. See you all!"

"Hyunjin, you asshole!" my scream chases him outside of the room, but I'm not sure if he hears me, and if he does – does he even care what I say.

I can't count how many times this has happened to me over the three years I've known him (and had a crush on him). Not once had he looked at me and placed me higher than his current _boo_. Maybe it's my fault because I don't have the courage to tell him what I feel. This story always ends with me being left hurting all alone.

I can suddenly feel the sunlight from outside of the window blinding me. It's the sign that soon we'll have to leave. I've noticed that when the sun is in a position to reach my eyes while I'm standing in the back of the ping pong room, we have about ten to twenty minutes before seniors from our faculty come to play too and that's when we always go home.

I'm not mistaken this time again. Just as I'm starting to play against Felix, Jaehyung comes in and a bunch of other guys follow him inside. We exchange quick nods and get out of the room before they challenge us to play against them. Felix and Seungmin might be good at this, but these guys are on another level and we're all too much of cowards to play with them and lose our face.

***

There's this habit of mine that I'm not exactly proud of and if any of my friends ever knew about it, they wouldn't let me live. Here's the thing – when I'm really sad or heartbroken (particularly because of a certain guy whose name starts with _H_ ), I like to stand in my clothes under the shower with a sad playlist as the soundtrack as the water washes away my tears. I feel like a female protagonist in a movie when her love interest hurt her so much that she can't stop crying. Well, for a matter of fact, it's not like I in particular _can't stop_ crying. I just tend to feel better afterwards and I use this reason to shamelessly (not as shamelessly as I pretend to) continue this process as a kind of a spiritual ritual.

There is one issue this time though, when I get home after dropping Seungmin off at his condo – the water is out.

My eyes fall to a bottle of water in the corner of the bathroom that Hyunjin must have left there when he was sleeping over last time, because, well, I don't carry these to shower.

But here I am again, washing my tears away with drinkable water. I've almost ran out of it, by the way.

I can't help but think that it somehow sums up my relationship with Hyunjin.

Showering off my tears isn't the only not-totally-healthy-but-also-not-unhealthy coping skills I have for when Hyunjin breaks my heart again. I often lie on the floor, drowning in sorrow. I don't want to hear anything. I don't want to care. But I can't escape him.

Especially when he's blowing up my phone with constant calls.

"What's up?" I ask, knowing exactly why he's calling.

"Do not dare to _what's up_ me, Jisung. You remember we're filming our short film today. Where are you? Everyone's waiting," he rambles and I listen, still spread out on the floor.

 _I don't feel like going today,_ I think immediately. "I don't feel like going," I say as I don't have any verbal filter when I'm so tired of crying to myself. "Go ahead and shoot without me."

"What the hell?" he mutters. "You're the director."

I sigh, running my hand through still damp hair. "You direct today. You have my blessings."

Hyunjin laughs quietly, I think, judging from the way he breathes. "You're damn crazy, Han Jisung. It's supposed to be our film, but it's not gonna be our film if you're not here."

If I wasn't in the sad and tired mood I would probably smile. "Even if I'm not there, you'll live," I say instead, because, well, I'm in my sad and tired mood.

"Fine," Hyunjin sighs and I naively think he's agreeing. "If you don't come, we won't shoot. Let our whole team fail, Jisung."

I can't say he doesn't know how to persuade me.

***

"Why's your hair wet?" is the first thing Hyunjin says to me when I meet him at the campus.

I don't answer, of course, and instead look around, searching for our group. "Where are Felix and Seungmin? Are they already here?"

I feel a slap to the back of my head. I want to turn around, but at the corner of my eye I see Seungmin with a devilish grin and Felix who's coming to face me.

"Of course we're here!" he says. "Where the hell were the _you_ though?"

"If we don't finish before the last light, it's gonna be only your fault," Seungmin adds and I start to feel like a child being scolded by parents.

"Let's do this then! Stop wasting time telling me off," I sigh and go to meet the rest of our team.

Every one out of our group has a main role in the production of our short film, even though there are a whole lot of people in the team. I can blame it only on the fact that we're kinda popular on the campus. For some reason people started to call us _gangsters_. I don't really like it, but what can I do about it?

Felix is who people call _Gadget Gangsta_ , but I think it's a fancy term for _good photographer_. I can't deny though that he uses this label to the fullest. No one who models for him ever escapes his grasp. It always ends the same way – with Felix getting laid.

Seungmin is the _Smooth Gangsta_ , which basically means that he doesn't do anything and he has loads of people at his feet. Just being him is enough to make people fall for him. He could be just brewing coffee in the coffee shop he works at and there would be hoards of girls ready to give their hearts to him.

Hyunjin is what they started calling _All-around Gangsta_ , due to the fact that no one could define what exactly is his speciality. He has the gadgets like Felix, he has the charisma like Seungmin. He also has something that I cannot define other than _being Hyunjin_ that makes everyone swoon over him.

They're all basic assholes when it comes to both boys and girls, but I believe I'm the biggest one of them. What is my _gangsta_ speciality?

_"Jisung oppa, can I have your phone number?"_

_"If it's work-related, then sure. If not, I'm afraid I can't."_

_"Jisung oppa, you're really cute!"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I like you, Jisung."_

_"I'm sorry, but I don't like you."_

I ruthlessly break people's hearts.

If it hadn't been for Hyunjin, I'd have had hundreds of boyfriends and girlfriends already. But that asshole must have came into my life just to snatch my heart away.

***

"Cut!" I yell and throw my headphones for Felix to catch as I come up to Ryujin. "You were great." I smile and she does the same. "Yeji! Jeongin! Help Ryujin get into the next scene! It's the last one today."

I turn around and am not surprised to see Felix and Seungmin sitting in my place and laughing stupidly at something. They're holding my headphones and pointing at something at the other side of the lake we're filming near, but I cannot see what they spotted there.

"What are you two dumbasses doing?" I snark and observe their reactions. They just give me the headphones and I assume that I'm supposed to listen to whatever I can hear there.

"Hyunjin forgot he carries the mic," Felix laughs and Seungmin follows him.

I'm not exactly in the mood to smile though when I hear Hyunjin flirting with Dowoon in a really inappropriate _and_ sexual way. I smack both Felix's and Seungmin's heads, ordering them to go back to work.

"Those of you who can't keep it in their pants are asked to get a room," I yell directly at Hyunjin and immediately after I hear my friends' giggles. I can't tell if they laugh at me or Hyunjin. "For fuck's sake…" I murmur to myself.

Two hours later I yell "cut" for the last time today and after cleaning up my stuff, I walk up to Hyunjin, who's standing by himself under a lone birch next to the lake. Behind me I can sense Felix and Seungmin going too, I guess we all notice an unusually sad expression on Hyunjin's face.

"What's up, dude?" Felix asks, his voice soft and comforting even though I know he tries to sound cool, like he doesn't care. "Why are you here by yourself?"

Hyunjin doesn't answer. I exchange worried looks with the guys. Seungmin scratches the back of his neck and furrows his brow.

"Do you want to go catch a movie?" I suggest, trying to end this awkward situation. I glance harshly at both Felix and Seungmin, but they pretend not to notice that I'm trying to make them say yes.

They both shake their heads. "I'm going to drink with the seniors," Felix says. "They've invited me to that new pub I told you about last week. The one with" he raises his eyebrows "hot waiters _and_ waitresses."

"Seungmin?" I ask with the remains of hope that I still hold on to.

"Sorry. Have to work," he answers shortly.

They walk off, both of them patting one of my shoulders, and that's how I'm left alone with a sulking Hyunjin.

I slowly step closer to him. He doesn't really look at me, he just glances at my face and his eyes turn emotionless again. I seize the opportunity to study his face for a little longer than I usually allow myself to. I'm not used to seeing Hyunjin's face without an arrogant smile and confident expression in his eyes. Can't say I'm not worried. "Are you okay?" I question, but I know he's not. I still hope he's going to tell me something. I'm his best friend after all.

He turns his gaze to me again and suddenly I notice that we're really close to each other. Not our-toes-are-touching kind of close, but the kind of close that my eyes need a moment to concentrate when I look up into his eyes. My heart skips a beat.

"I broke up with Dowoon."

I step back a bit. "What? That's why you're sad?" I tilt my head. " _You_?"

"I'm not sad," he says and his face expression turns into something I know too well – raised eyebrows, little pout and _I'm an asshole_ engraved in his gaze. "I'm mad. He's dating someone else."

I sigh in defeat and go to stand next to Hyunjin to throw my arm around his shoulders.

"I can't believe. I've never been this humiliated. He must've thought I'm so stupid," Hyunjin groans.

"How about we go somewhere, huh?" I smile excitedly at him and he kinda smiles back. I hope to cheer him up, at least a little. "You pick."

"Not today, Jisung, okay?"

I nod, my heart immediately shredding the eagerness. "See you later then. I'm going home."

He waves at me and mutters a small "bye".

As I turn around, I shake my head. _The playboy got played._

***

A sigh escapes my lips as I send an assignment to the professor. My head hurts and eyes are burning from looking at the computer screen for too long. _I could use a hot shower_ , I think, massaging my temples with one hand and closing the laptop with the other. Getting up to go the bathroom though, I hear a knocking on my door.

"Hyunjin? What the fuck?"

He falls onto me and I stumble, barely keeping balance. Before this though I am able to spot bruises and probably cuts on his face and my heart stops in fear.

His arms wrap around my neck and he snuggles his face into my chest, probably staining my yellow t-shirt with blood. His grasp feels really weak, I'm not used to it. "Jisung…" he mutters. "Help me, please."

I kick the door to close it and drag Hyunjin inside, sitting him on a sofa. Finally I can look at his face properly. It's not as severe as I thought it would, but it's pretty clear that he got beaten up really badly. I smirk as I sit beside him with a first aid kit. He looks at me weakly.

"Who did you piss off?" I ask, wetting a bandage with antiseptic.

"Dowoon's boyfriend," he mutters quietly and only now do I notice that his lip is cut pretty badly too. "I mean, I pissed off the boyfriend and his friends jumped me," he tries to laugh, but suddenly stops and starts coughing while holding his stomach. "Hurts," Hyunjin mumbles in a baby voice.

"First your face. Then I'll give you something for the other bruises," I say, a bit more worried after seeing him hurting like that, but still keeping my straight face. "Gonna hurt a bit."

He nods and brushes it off, but the second I press the bandage to his face, he hisses in pain. "Ouch," Hyunjin says flatly, furrowing his brows.

I exhale sharply, trying not to laugh. "Have you never taken part in any fight? Crybaby."

"And you tell me you have?" Hyunjin asks, visibly not even considering the fact that I could beat up someone.

"Of course I have," I shrug. "It's a pity you didn't see me in high school."

He smiles, this time not wincing in pain immediately after. "Liar," he mutters, but doesn't get the chance to say anything else as I press the bandage with antiseptic to the cut on his lips.

I take advantage of this situation and stare at his kissable lips for longer than it would be acceptable. Wonder what did he do in his previous life to be gifted with lips like this. Visibly soft, plump, with a natural pinkish tint. I can't help but think what it would be like to kiss him.

I can feel his gaze studying my face too and I can only hope that I don't blush. I don't know when he stops at my eyes, but when I glance up from his lips, I meet his stare. I smile gently, slowly lowering my hand from the cut. Now I could stare at his lips in their full beauty, but I do not dare to avert my gaze, when Hyunjin's staring right into my soul, not saying anything, just looking and looking, like he can see something more than there is for an eye. My heart flutters. I suddenly feel naked in front of him. _Oh shit._

I lean back, only now noticing that Hyunjin has gotten closer to me. I try to clean the rest of his wounds as quick as possible, not wanting to get into another situation like that from a moment ago.

"I'm gonna get them back," Hyunjin exclaims cheerfully as I search for ointment in my first aid kit.

I roll my eyes. "Haven't you learned anything from this?" I can't believe he can be this stupid.

He looks around the room. "I, uh, I mean I'm taking back Dowoon's stuff to him," he stutters and I know he just came up with this. "He left a lot of it in my apartment. I'm giving it all back to him to show that I don't care about him anymore."

I sigh. The mention of Dowoon makes me hurt a little again. I should have gotten used to it already, over the course of those three years I felt like this so many times I can't count. "Mhm. Sounds like a great comeback," I say and press the bottle of ointment into Hyunjin's hand. "Take care of the bruises on your stomach by yourself," I order. He just nods in silence. "But if he doesn't take the stuff back," I return to the previous thought, "the joke's on you."

"I know," he nods excitedly as if he wasn't in pain just a few minutes ago. "That's why you're taking it to him."

"What the hell?"

Hyunjin grabs my arm. "Please, Jisung," he pleads with puppy eyes.

"No way!"

"Please…" He gets a bit closer, wrapping himself around my arm already. "Please, my dear friend, you're all I have. Please take those things to Dowoon."

"No!"

***

As I stand in front of Dowoon's apartment, I wonder how did I end up like this. Returning my crush's ex's stuff to him, even though I swore I would never. But I can't disappoint Hyunjin, no matter how many times he disappoints me.

If my life was a movie, this would be the scene where the character hits the rock bottom. He's desperate, hopeless and pathetic. Knowing how stupid is what he's doing, yet he does it anyway. Because of one thing. _Love_.

I hear footsteps approaching the door, so I close my eyes for a few seconds to make sure I won't end up as a crying mess.

When I open them, I see Hyunjin in front of me.

"Is everything in there?" he asks, but no words can leave my throat. "Talk to you later."

"Who's there, Hyunjin?" I hear from inside when he closes the door in front of my face.

"Here you go, Dowoon hyung. See, I keep your stuff with me."

I know I shouldn't be listening.

"Do you have a reward for this good boy?"

My knees fall weak and I can't do anything beside leaning against the wall next to the door. _I shouldn't be listening._

"What reward?" Dowoon's voice is playful. "I'm about to take a shower." _It's an invitation._

"Let me join you."

I can't stop tears from falling down my face anymore.

"We can save water, having a shower together. Can we?"

***

_I hate him, I hate him, I hate him so much._

I get a small box from under my bed. It's the place I stored all my memories of Hyunjin. There are a lot of our photos. I take the one from the top. I remember that day. It was our first trip to the beach.

I rip it in two halves.

My first birthday we spent together. Ripped.

The end of our first semester. Ripped.

Preparing our first short film. Petting dogs at the park. Blackpink's concert. Ripped, ripped _ripped._

Every movie has an ending, one way or another. So does my love. I've had enough.

I choke back my tears. It's high time I ended it.

I love him, but it means nothing to him. What's the point then. I need to move on. It's just a bad kind of love that lasted three years. And it ends today.

I rip some cinema tickets. I rip the head off my photo taken by Hyunjin. Some photos just end up being thrown around.

 _I don't care, I don't care_. I wish I didn't.

Only at the bottom of the box I find the strongest memory.

_It's the freshman orientation day. We all have pieces of paper taped to our foreheads and on all of them there's a name of a character from a movie. We're supposed to find our pair, another character from the same movie, but we can't even see who we are._

_"Time's up!" the senior yells and I still don't have my pair._

_Everyone's slowly sitting down. I look around. There's only me standing up. I go to the front and that's where I see him._

_Cheeks flushed, hair messy. A piece of paper with_ Harry _written on it. And that smile, that smile that's going to haunt me for the next three years._

_He grabs my hand and guides me to sit down next to him._

_"We almost run out of time," he says and I notice his voice is a bit shaky. "Sorry I couldn't find you."_

_I can't stop staring at him. My stomach does a flip and I have only a vague idea what it could mean, but I don't like it at all._

_"Am I the Harry to your Sally?"_

A piece of paper with a faded _Sally_ written on it.

My throat gets itchy and tears escape my eyes again. I can't stop them anymore. Small sobs leave my mouth as I throw the paper far away from me.

It's the kind of pain that you can't justify with anything rational. Nothing's even hurting, yet I feel like everything inside me is broken. _Why do I love him? Why me?_

"Jisung?"

I immediately turn around, not having time for even wiping my cheeks. It's Felix. I have no idea why or how he got here.

"Are you in love with Hyunjin?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a longer fic!  
> This plot is based off Theory of love's plot, so if you haven't watched it, I would highly reccomend it (but maybe after I finish writitng this, I don't want anyone to come here with too high expectations lmao).  
> The title is taken from Getsunova's song, which is actually from TOL's soundtrack.


	2. Love Actually

_If my life was a movie, the story would end the moment I decided to move on from Hyunjin._

"Are you in love with Hyunjin?" Felix sits down next to me, looking visibly worried, but I have no strength left to pretend that I'm absolutely fine and wasn't crying my heart out just a moment ago.

"Mhm." I nod as I try to find the courage to steal a glance at Felix. "Please don't tell him."

As soon as I hear him sigh, my heart freezes in anxiety, but then he hums in agreement quietly and I feel at least a fraction of the nervousness leaving my body.

"You know he doesn't date friends?" Felix asks, using a soft voice that I have never heard from him. This, on top of the concerned expression that I manage to catch in small glimpses, makes me wonder if he actually cares for me more than I would have ever expected. I mean, it's Felix. _Two C's,_ as Hyunjin once said – _Casanova and a clown._

I shake my head. "Exactly why I didn't tell anyone. Now that you know, you can't tell anyone either," I warn apprehensively.

I feel Felix's eyes studying my face, so I smoothen out my expression not to display that much heartbreak. He tuts, and somehow even that sound has uneasy undertones. "How long has it been?"

"Not that long." I shrug.

"Answer the damn question," he nags. "I asked you how long?"

Silence. "Three years."

"What? _Three_ years?" I don't even flinch in reaction to his sudden raised voice.

"Mhm," I nod. "Since the moment I met him."

"Shit!" Felix huffs and that's what makes me finally express something more than absolute sadness on the outside. I furrow my brows and open my mouth to reply, but he doesn't let me say anything. "And you've been keeping it in secret ever since?" Nod. "If I hadn't walked in, no one would have known?" Nod again.

He throws an arm around my shoulders and I somehow feel safer. I feel his fingers rubbing small circles on my arm as he sighs again and shakes his head.

"That's tough," he finally says and I don't blame him for not knowing how to react. "But I get you." He smiles reassuringly, I return something that's supposed to be a wide grin, but probably looks like I'm planning to suffocate someone.

There's something else on my mind now though that I've gotten over the fear of being outed to Hyunjin. "Can you really accept that I…?" I don't need to finish.

"Of course, mate!" He sways me to the side a bit. "I accept Hyunjin whoring around with every boy he has a chance to and you dare to ask me if I can deal with you being gay?" he giggles and that makes my shoulders shake in an attempt of laughter too. "I'm more worried about the fact that it's Hyunjin that you like, not that it's a boy in particular." I hear him sigh once again and I start to wonder why he does it so often lately.

"Well, as a matter of fact… I'm actually bi," I mutter, fiddling with my fingers. Felix nods in response.

"Well, since we're having a heartfelt conversation, maybe I have something to tell you too." Felix sounds apprehensive. "I'm, uh… I'm asexual?"

"You? Really?" My expression lights up suddenly. He nods, beaming. "What about the whole ‘hot guys _and_ girls’ stuff? What about you hooking up with your every model? I literally thought you were bi, man!"

He ruffles my hair and laughs brightly. "That's pretty much the reason I haven't come out to anyone except you yet. You know, everyone would make me feel invalid just because I like sex. I mean, I can see that someone is attractive, but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to them. I can still appreciate the art! And fuck the art," he adds after a moment with a quiet laugh.

My face is painted with a crooked smile. It feels so _nice_ , being trusted enough to come out to. Felix definitely knows how to build my confidence.

There are a lot of things I haven't really noticed about him before. He definitely cares more than he likes to show. He can also effortlessly humour others and his smile is so contagious that even in the darkest mood it makes me grin too. When he's stressed, he sighs a lot and furrows his brows in a way so their shadow covers a bit of his eyes, like he’s trying to hide the caring expression that his studious gaze carries. Maybe it's because he never had to expose this side of his personality. I wonder if he's okay with me being the one to see it.

"What about you?" Felix asks after a moment of silence and the context of that question hits me with another wave of heartbreak as I remember Hyunjin. "How long will you keep it in secret?"

"Probably forever?" I raise my tone at the end, even though I didn't intend to. "We're only one year away from graduation. I've managed to live with this for three years already."

Felix sneaks his arm around me as he probably notices tears glistening in my eyes again. "I'll help you."

My attention wanders so that's most likely why I register his words a moment too late. "Why would you help me?" My voice is simultaneously grateful and distressed. "Hyunjin has a boyfriend already."

He rolls his eyes and looks around as he sighs again, but I'm not sure if it's because he's worried again, or just done with me. Maybe both.

"Have you met him? He breaks up with every boy he ever dates after two or three weeks at most." Felix puts his hands on his knees. "I actually want to know…" Hesitation. "You know, he never truly loves anyone, but when he finally does, can that someone be you?"

My heart swells. He's really the best kind of friend I could ever wish for. I intend on telling him so, but he starts talking again, so I attentively listen this time.

"I'll try to create opportunities for you to confess to him, okay?"

If my life was a movie, the story would end the moment I decided to move on from Hyunjin. But here comes the twist. With this kind of support from my friend, what should I do?

What I do know for sure is that this movie won't end as easily as I thought it would.

***

"I roughly edited our film, guys," Seungmin, the master editor and head of the editing team in our project's group, says. "Wanna go to the editing room and see what else we should do?"

We all stay silent as we walk down the stairs. Hyunjin's busy texting someone ( _probably Dowoon,_ I think to myself), Felix is staring at something in the distance and I keep on glancing between the three of them. Finally, I shake my head in defeat.

"Honestly? I'm not worried about your part in particular," I say, leering at Hyunjin. "I worry about the sound though, because the person in charge of the boom mic cared more about hitting on a boy."

Seungmin laughs and nods enthusiastically. "That's true!"

That’s when we all suddenly notice that Hyunjin is not beside Felix anymore, so we stop to look around. Of course, we find him a few steps behind us, still glued to his phone.

"Hyunjin," I call him.

"Wait a minute," he immediately replies with a monotone voice. "I'm having a drama with Dowoon. He wants tickets to another k-pop concert." Hyunjin finally puts his phone in the front pocket of his pants and catches up with us. "When I couldn't get them, he said that I didn't love him."

Felix nudges me and goes to throw an arm around Hyunjin's shoulders. "I told you, mate. Guy like him is insatiable. Why won't you try dating someone good for once?"

My brain immediately goes into panic mode, when I realise what he's trying to do.

"Maybe someone close?" Felix continues and I freeze, trying to figure out what to do to prevent the inevitable. He side-eyes me.

"Who?" Hyunjin is visibly confused, Seungmin, who's standing beside him, is on the other hand absolutely uninterested and starts to look around, like he's searching for something.

"Think about it," Felix accents, gesturing with a passion. "Someone who goes everywhere with you. Always by your side." Reassuring look for me, then another studious one for Hyunjin.

"Charlie?" Hyunjin lights up.

"Charlie my ass!" Felix hits him in the back of the head. "I mean a person, dumbass! Someone like–"

I drop the books I've been holding in my hands. This is the only way I can think of to stop him from accidentally (or not) outing my feelings to Hyunjin.

I squat to pick up the papers, but I also drag Felix down by his sleeve. "What the _hell_ are you doing?" I whisper-yell.

"Creating an opportunity for you. And you've ruined it. It was starting to shape up nicely!"

"Let me tell you something," I sigh. "Your acting is atrocious!"

He huffs, but doesn't get the chance to scold me further, because Seungmin hums to get our attention and only now do I realise why he was looking around some time ago.

"They're coming," he says plainly, too plainly, considering the circumstances.

I can hear it now too. High-pitched screams and a lot of stomping. _Fans._

"Jisung," Hyunjin catches my attention. "Tell them I'm not available for selfies today." I roll my eyes.

We all stand in anticipation, but slowly I start to realise that they're not looking for us today. Finally, we can hear them just a few meters away from us, behind the wall of the canteen.

Felix steps forward first, I go right behind him. Behind this wall there's a small parking lot and in the middle of it there's a guy with a motorbike, surrounded by hordes of fans.

"What the fuck?" Hyunjin huffs and I know exactly why he's so annoyed. "Is it really Minho-the-douchebag? It only takes him standing there and playing with a camera to make everyone go wild?"

Seungmin shakes his head. "It's not because he's playing with a camera. It's because he's Lee Minho."

Hyunjin pouts a little and squints. I know exactly what he's going to say and I'm pretty sure that both Felix and Seungmin know it too. "So what? He's not any better than us."

"It's not just that," Felix adds. "Are you being called _The Best Husband-To-Be Of All Time_ ? No. He does." He pokes Hyunjin's cheek. "Are you warm, kind _and_ approachable? No." Hyunjin's cheek gets poked again. "I don't particularly like him, but, oh man, he has a great personality."

I notice Hyunjin's _I am an asshole_ look is gone, replaced with _I am constipated_ one, or something that resembles it too closely. "I'll take him down. Watch me."

"Oh! Gangsta dongsaeng!" Minho suddenly yells in our direction.

"What?"

"Which one of us?"

"What does he mean?"

I savour my friend's confused looks. "It's me," I say the last moment before Minho could hear us.

I go up to him to make a small talk about whatever he wants to talk about today, but I actually listen to my best friends' conversation behind me more attentively.

"Since when are they best friends?" It's definitely Hyunjin. My heart skips a beat when I convince myself the unsympathetic note in his voice is jealousy, not disgust.

"I don't know, man. I'm not sure if you've ever noticed, but he's been hanging around Jisung since we were in freshman year," Seungmin explains.

My back suddenly gets slapped with a heavy arm that wraps around my shoulder. I almost jump in fear. Almost.

"Sorry, hyung." It's Hyunjin. The laugh caused by something Minho said dies in my throat. "My friend has to do some work."

I'm stuck between watching Minho's smile slowly fade and glancing at Hyunjin's confident pout. My heart tries to convince my head that it actually is jealousy that's driving him, but I know better.

"Come on, let's go!"

"See you later, Minho hyung?" I mumble, a bit embarrassed. I only get a hum of agreement as a response, not that he has much time to say anything more, as Hyunjin drags me away with much force and speed.

I see Minho's gaze following either Seungmin or Felix who immediately run after us, but then we disappear behind the canteen's wall.

***

"There's no ambient sound in the forest scene," Seungmin says after a long moment of silence.

When he said he wanted to work on our film some more, we all decided to go to the editing room with him. But now Felix and I are standing behind him and Hyunjin, who took the remaining chair, silent in confusion. Indeed, without the ambient sounds this scene is flat, emotionless, and it was supposed to be one of the most sentimental moments in the plot.

"I know right," I sigh. "Hyunjin must have forgotten to turn on the mic while recording."

"Screw you!" He gets all defensive, looking up at me with a stare that's somewhere between a puppy and a murderer. "I didn't forget!" We all side-eye him. "But did I really have to record the ambient sounds of the forest?"

I roll my eyes. "I reminded you so many times. We need cricket sounds in important scenes."

"That's right…" He goes silent for a moment, scratching his right ear. "I forgot."

I ruffle Seungmin’s hair as he doesn't answer anything for a moment either, just shakes his head in despair. "Hyunjin, fix this. I need the sounds," he finally says.

I'm pleasantly surprised when he promises to work on it right away, but I don't get the chance to express my thoughts, as Felix nudges me a bit too hard. I groan and try to make eye contact with him to give him a _what are you doing?_ look, but he grabs Hyunjin's shoulders and says:

"Jisung, go with him."

It shocks me way more than it should. "Why do I even have to go?"

"Just go," he nags, elongating every syllable. "Otherwise, he might run off to hit on some boys."

Seungmin nods and Hyunjin threatens Felix with his fist. I get the feeling that I'm the only one who find something unsettling in this situation and it turns out I'm right, when Felix drags me a few steps behind our friends, still focused on the film.

"Here's another opportunity," he mumbles, staring right into my eyes. "Use it to confess." He sounds like an old man convincing me not to waste my youth, but I don't get too much time to search for evidence of him being an immortal being, an old man trapped in a young man's body or a time traveller sent to change his past. "Go, what are you waiting for!"

So we go, Hyunjin on my left side with his hand around my shoulders, thanking me for keeping him company.

***

I offer to go around the lake to look for a place with more crickets, when Hyunjin decides to sit in the only place where there is a bench. He doesn't say much, just sighs that he would wait for me. I'm not surprised.

I use the time alone to think about some stuff. Firstly, my (scratch that – _Felix's_ ) plans to confess to Hyunjin. How should I even do that? _Hey, Hyunjin, you're my best friend and a huge dick. I like you!_ That would work for sure.

I'm not even sure if I should do that. I just need to move on. No need to get into my feelings again. I'm scared that if I think about confessing, it'll make me feel stronger for Hyunjin, and if I confess, his innate awkwardness will result in me overthinking my feelings again. On the flip side, confessing could help me move on, clearing my mind and getting this off my chest…

I suddenly realise I don't take into consideration anything other than rejection. It's not that I'm surprised by it – it's a perfectly reasonable assumption. I just wish I had more faith in myself and Hyunjin.

Not realising I've gone around the whole lake, I notice the bench Hyunjin is sitting on with the boom mic. "Guess it's the place with most of them," I say, even though I didn't really concentrate on the crickets other than ones in my vivid imagination.

"Crickets?"

"I wasn't talking about ghosts." I roll my eyes. "What else could I be talking about?"

He looks at me with a gaze of pure happiness and my mind goes blank for a moment. He's really beautiful with an honest smile and without any unnecessary crinkles that are supposed to suggest his handsomeness. Happiness looks so good on him I almost forget how to speak. It's been a long time since we've been alone together and I've noticed that it's the only time when he lets himself look like this – true to himself.

"Get on with the recording," I say finally, still admiring the smile on Hyunjin's face. I let myself forget for a moment that I'm supposed to be falling out of love with him. "Don't keep Seungmin waiting."

He hums in agreement and takes his time to take headphones out of his bag. _Too much_ time. I mean to ask him what is taking him so long, but then I remember that the last time Hyunjin was responsible for the headphones, they got broken when he was fooling around with Felix. I have no idea what he's searching for in his bag then, but I take out my earphones from pants' pocket and nudge his side to guide his attention to them.

"Oh, Jisung. How would I live, if I didn't have you?" he teases, but I unnecessarily feel a bit giddy. It's nice, just sitting with him, being best friend like we've been for three years.

"Don't be a drama queen," I bite back, both of us smiling widely. "Just get on with it, I'm tired."

He puts one earphone in. "Ambiance by the water, take one."

He's quiet for a moment, but after a moment he hands me the other earphone. I look at him in surprise and he must notice it, because he explains:

"I want you to listen to it too."

So I take it, and put the earphone in my ear.

We sit like this in silence, my eyes closing on their own as I almost fall asleep. I had a long day.

What wakes me up is Hyunjin speaking once again. "I really like to listen to the sounds of nature. They calm me down."

I can't not agree with him. It's really calming, to the point I'm barely awake. The whole atmosphere is relaxing and nostalgic. Hyunjin sitting next to me, breathing slowly and barely talking, like not the him I see on daily basis, his arms almost touching mine while we're both staring at the other side of the lake. There's something magical about just existing in the same place with the person you love the most, without any expectations and demands.

"The view is also great," he continues. "If I was to ask someone to be mine, this would be the right place to do it, don't you think?" He looks at me for the first time in a while.

_This is your opportunity_ , it's like I heard Felix saying it in my head. I agree with him for once.

"Hyunjin," I catch his attention. "I have some to tell you." His look full of calmness and a kind of emotion I cannot differentiate makes me anxious and confident at the same time. Guess it's always like this with Hyunjin, contrasts even in the most prosaic things. "I like…"

I look at him and that's when I finally hesitate. Hyunjin is still staring at me with the same look, that's for the first time in a long while making me feel like he actually cares for me more than just for a casual acquaintance. _Hyunjin, my best friend_ … That's who he really is. I realise that only in moments like this, when he's fully himself, that it's really a true friendship that we have. Do I have the right to put the weight of my unrequited feeling on my best friend's shoulders? Do I have any right to mess his mind up with my issues? These are _my_ feelings – so it's also my problem to deal with.

"I like it here too."

He smiles softly again and I feel like I've made a good decision.

"We're on the same page then," he says and I think in the quiet of my mind that we're really, really not.

***

I woke up late, so I'm basically running through the parking lot to get to my class, when I suddenly hear:

"Are you Jisung?"

I sigh, but still freeze in my place. I'm definitely gonna be late.

"Yeah."

It's a boy. He's a tad taller than me, but his shy smile makes me feel like he's really _small._ His bleached platinum hair is a little wavy and long enough to get into his eyes in the blowing wind. He's wearing a pink hoodie, from under which I can see a white uniform shirt. My mind immediately goes _pretty._ He's indeed really fucking attractive and suddenly I feel so plain next to him.

"Can you please give this to Hyunjin hyung?" he asks and hands me a neatly decorated box. It's pretty big, but not that heavy so I can't help but wonder what it could be, even though I suspect it's something that is supposed to make Hyunjin understand that the boy's in love with him.

I'm not particularly impressed or interested, but definitely kinda bored and jealous, when Hyunjin takes out a huge jar with colourful origami flowers.

"Wow!" he almost yells. "I'm surprised people still make origami by hand." He opens the jar and takes one out.

"You don't know that." My voice is flat and I sure hope Hyunjin will just think I'm uninterested, not jealous of another boy who's trying to flirt with him. "He may have bought it. This stuff is everywhere."

"Look at this." He shows me the inside of one flower that he just almost ripped open. "It has my name written inside. He did it himself."

Hyunjin's too excited for my liking, I can't help but roll my eyes. It hurts, seeing him so invested in someone else's confession, but it's not too bad. Just a little heartbreak. As they say, a heartbreak a day keeps doctor away.

"Do you think I should invite Yeonjun for a dinner to thank him?"

"It's Beomgyu." I lay my head down on the canteen's table in a way that my eyes hurt when I look at Hyunjin.

"Oh, right." He messes up his hair. "That's another boy."

"Anyways, don't you already have Dowoon?" I ask, not really interested, but at the same time too interested to keep quiet.

"So?" He shakes his head. "Dowoon's got nothing to do with this. I only ask Beomgyu out for dinner, I'm not going to date him." There's a pout suddenly on Hyunjin's face and he looks like he's thinking about something. "Set it up for me today, huh? I need to go see Seungmin in the editing room."

Before Beomgyu let me go to uni, he introduced himself, not caring how many times I tried to say I needed to go. Choi Beomgyu, sophomore year, faculty of Architecture. This is also written on the piece of paper he forced into my hand, along with his phone number.

I take out the crumpled paper from my pants' front pocket and notice my keys made a small hole in the middle, but the phone number is still readable. Sighing, I key it into my phone and press _call._

***

Felix comes over with a huge bag of snacks and a smile. He doesn't even bother to knock. I should get used to it.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Helping Seungmin edit the sound files." I take a bag of tempura flavoured nori out of the bag he sets on my table. "I went with Hyunjin to record other sounds than crickets too, like footsteps and some leaves."

"Yeah?" He nudges me. "How did it go?" His voice is dripping with curiosity and there's a tint of teasing too. 

I decide to pretend I don't know what he's talking about for as long as I can. "Great. We got a lot of ambient sounds."

" _Ambient sound of trees, scene fourth, take one,_ " says recorded Hyunjin as Felix slaps the back of my neck.

"Oi! I didn't mean that," he huffs. "Did you tell Hyunjin about your feelings?"

There goes me pretending.

"Not yet."

"What?" He seems annoyed. "The atmosphere must have been just right, why didn't you say it?"

"I couldn't do it." I keep my voice emotionless to prevent myself from exploding. I don't want to argue, but I also don't like how he keeps on pressuring me.

"What?" he repeats. I'm right, he's annoyed, but now I am too. "Look at people around you! They confess their love without reluctance. Just this morning, a boy gave Hyunjin a gift–"

"I know!" my voice cracks. I don't know anymore, if I'm mad or still down-hearted since the morning. But to think about, I can't remember the last time I wasn't. "I passed the gift to him myself!" I turn to look at him, my eyes welling up with tears. "It's not that easy, Felix. If it was someone else, I'd have probably said it a long time ago. But I'm his friend!" I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. "What if he blew up into my face after it? I don't want to lose a friend," I add quietly.

He sighs and stays silent for a longer while. "Stay friends then," he says, not really angry, but I feel that he's disappointed. Then he walks out of my condo, but I don't follow him even with my eyes.

I know should have confessed a long time ago and I would have been over him already. I know that if I don't confess I'll never know what his reaction will be. I know that there's still a possibility of a relationship, at least until he says to my face that there's not. I know I'm a coward. _Do you hear me, Felix, I know it!_

I cut the parts of the sound files with the moments I talk in until I'm satisfied with the sentence I'm putting together.

" _I love you, Hyunjin_ ," says recorded me. " _I love you, Hyunjin. I love you, Hyunjin._ "

I cry, knowing I'll never be able to say these words out loud to him.

***

"Jisung." Hyunjin sits down in front of me with his plate full of curry. "What's the matter? Is something bothering you?"

_I'm still miserable after I heard myself saying that I love you. Also, I'm afraid that Felix is mad at me and won't want to talk to me anymore, but lately he's been the only person I confided in._

"I was just thinking about things."

"Liar!"

I put a whole lot of kimchi into my mouth to avoid answering him, not suspecting that he will ramble on.

"I've known you for a long time. When you're stressed, you make this face." Then he makes face that resembles blue steel almost too closely. "Like this."

"Screw you! You look like a damn pug." My lips curve up a bit. "My face doesn't wrinkle like that."

"Fine, I know," Hyunjin giggles. "I just wanted to make you smile."

"I bet you used this trick with your boys hundreds of times."

"Never." He shakes his head a little. "You know that I don't go around pleasing people."

I hate that he always manages to make me fall for him a little bit more every time he does anything that even remotely resembles caring for me.

"I don't know what's up with you," he continues, seriously this time. "But I know how to snap you out of it." There's a knowing smile on his stupidly handsome face. "Let's catch a movie tonight."

I stare at him cautiously. That's not something he does often, hell, I can't remember the last time he offered to go to the cinema with me when he didn't want anything from me. He also gazes at me, softly, with expectation. A wave of heat spreads across my body. Why does he make me feel so much with a single look?

***

Hyunjin's late again. Of course.

"Where are you?" I spit out when I call him for the third time and he finally answers. "They're about to screen the ads!"

"I'm right behind you."

I feel a nudge to my back and when I turn around, he's there, looking all pretty as always. A sigh escapes my lips.

"Sorry, the traffic was awful," he groans.

"It's time to find a new excuse." I start heading towards the screening room. "You ride a motorbike."

That's the first time I regret going out with him this evening.

Then halfway through the movie he takes out his phone and starts texting. I slap his hand, when I feel screen's light hitting my face.

"That's not the time, Hyunjin," I scold him with a whisper. "The light is hurting my eyes."

He huffs, but apologises and hides his phone. Instead, he closes his eyes, looking like he's going to sleep.

I can't help but feel a bit of relief in my annoyance. When I cry while watching a movie in the theatre, I don't want anyone to see. Especially if it's Hyunjin. And the movie has been making me hold in my tears for a long time already.

When it ends, we stay in our places, watching the other people leaving. I'm waiting for Hyunjin to move, not really sure if he's awake already.

"Did you cry, Jisung?" _Well_ , at least I know he's not sleeping.

"How did you know? I saw you were fast asleep."

"I faked it." His face lights up with an assholeish grin. "It's more exciting to see you try to hide your tears than to watch this movie. It was so boring. That's 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back."

"I don't think it's boring," I argue back. "It played well with your emotions."

He shrugs. "The female lead was so lacklustre. Why can't she just admit it? If she likes him, she should just tell him. There's a bigger chance that her love is reciprocated if she confesses, than if she doesn't."

"But she's afraid of losing him. They're close friends after all."

"But you've got to take the risk! It's better than doing nothing, don't you think?"

Many times after watching a movie, we would talk, discussing what we did and didn't like about it, but this is the first time he talks in a serious manner like it's his own life. Is it his indirect way of telling me I should confess?

Wait. _Did he realise I was in love with him?_

***

"Hyunjin, I love you."

_Shit, why is it so hard?_

Sitting in front of a window in my condo, with all the lights out and only a greenish shade from the lava lamp on my bedside table making it possible to see anything – saying it still seems too difficult. How can I manage to say it out loud to Hyunjin's face?

Loud knocking interrupts the next sentence of my thoughts. I stand up, wondering if it's Felix and if he's here to ask about my progress in confessing, but then I remember we've kinda argued and I'm not sure whether he's even helping me anymore.

"Jisung." It's Hyunjin and I can't help but feel a little uneasy. He doesn't seem fine. "I have a favour and you can't say no."

 _So that's why he's here._ I sigh.

"Watch a movie with me tonight."

My confusion makes me take half a step behind. "Hold on. We just went to see a movie together a few hours ago." I shake my head. "Aren't you bored?"

Hyunjin steps inside of my condo, exhaling sharply. "If it's with you, then I'm not."

My heart skips a few beats. Can he for once stop playing with it?

So we watch a movie, and I can feel Hyunjin's gaze on me from time to time. I start wondering if he's about to tell me something, but before I manage to actually ask, he whispers my name, catching my attention.

"I broke up with Dowoon," he mutters after a moment. "That's so stupid. I took too long to get tickets for that concert and he managed to find himself another boy in the meantime." He takes a sip out of the beer bottle he took out of my fridge some time ago.

I stare at him, disbelief on my mind, but irony in my eyes. "So you're hurt."

"Not exactly." He shrugs, avoiding my gaze. His eyes reflect hurt, but I decide not to mention it. "I'm just tired of all this, going from one boy to another… I'm done with boys who don't actually love me."

I can't stop looking at him, it's like someone glued my eyes in one place. He's mesmerising once he decides to show at least a bit of his feelings. That's the Hyunjin that makes me fall in love with him – true to himself, raw in his emotions, not hiding anything from me. I love how he's able to do this as if I were his safe space where he can vent without fear of being humiliated. That's how I know he loves me too, even if not in the same way I love him.

"Maybe I should look closer, like Felix said," he continues and my stomach flips.

_Okay_ . If he's saying all of that, if he's really looking for love this time – I believe him. _I believe you, Hyunjin._

I'll tell him how I feel.

  
  


***

  
  


I knock on the door of Felix's apartment, my palms sweaty because of the nervousness that's filling me from head to toe. I don't really know if we're on good terms, but I need to talk to him right now, so I brought his favourite chocolate cake and a cup of pink milk.

"Jisung? Come in," he says cheerfully and I begin to wonder if I hadn't been stressing and overthinking for nothing. He leads me inside, taking the bag with the cake from my hand. I hear a laughter escaping his throat.

"I come bearing gifts," I also giggle, closing the door behind me.

Soon I am offered a piece of the cake I brought, and even though chocolate isn't my favourite flavour, I take it with gratefulness. I sit on an office chair that's surprisingly not covered with clothes for once, and Felix sits in front of me on his bed. His apartment is really small, there's barely space for a desk and a bed, but it feels like home. Or maybe it's Felix who does.

"Did you tell him?" he asks, a fork still hanging from his mouth after taking a bite from the cake.

"Of course I didn't." I roll my eyes. "If I did, I wouldn't be here right now."

Felix messes up his hair, sighing heavily. "What the hell, mate?" His voice drips with frustration.

"I don't know how to go about it." I furrow my brows, thinking deeply. "I mean, I can't just go up to him and say 'Hyunjin, I love you', can I? That's just weird," I elongate the last syllable. "What should I do?"

Felix seems to think for a while, digging into the cake in the meantime. He manages to finish it all before he speaks. "I've got something."

I respond with a curious look.

"If you're afraid you'd be too blunt to just say it to him," he pauses for a second, "try something from a movie."

I turn around in the chair, scratching the back of my neck in confusion. "How?"

"Copy a scene from a romantic movie," he explains, stopping my chair. "You're a film major, make use of what you know the best."

I don't think it's gonna work, but still start planning when I can go to the coffee shop Seunglix works at to check out their movie collection.

I manage to go there at the end of the week, barely getting there before the closing hour. I'm actually surprised Seungmin allows me to spread out all of their DVDs with any kind of romances. There are a lot of Western ones, but also a few Korean classics, as well as Thai, Japanese and Taiwanese.

"How long are you going to keep looking?" Seungmin asks, his voice tired and uninterested. "I want to go home, man…"

"Just give me a minute," I groan in response.

"What are you even planning to do with all those movies?"

"I will use them to confess–" _Shit, Jisung! You dumbass, quick, think of something!_ "I mean, it's for my screenwriting class. There's this confession scene I need an inspiration for." _Smart, Jisung_ , I congratulate myself, when Seungmin just nods. "Can you help me choose a movie with a good confession scene?"

Seungmin nods once again and I realise he's really tired at this point. He looks through the DVDs for a moment, just to take one from his far left into hands.

"What about _Dear Dakanda_?"

I imagine myself and Hyunjin in the confession scene and the thought of him saying he's already in love with someone else, actually makes me shiver. That's _not_ what I want to happen when I confess.

"No!" I say maybe too loudly. "Find me another one."

"Okay…" he sighs. "Maybe this. A legendary romantic comedy, _10 things I hate about you_."

My mind works in weird ways, thus I imagine myself going through the bleachers around the football field, Hyunjin in sport attire standing in the middle of it, and for whatever reason Felix conducting our faculty's orchestra.

"That's awesome!" But when I remember the fact that guards are trying to catch the main character and my enthusiasm wears down. "What if I got caught though…"

Seungmin shakes his head and only now do I realise what I said. He doesn't seem to mind though, maybe he's used to me saying random stuff all the time. "That face of yours means no, doesn't it?" he sighs.

"You don't have anything else?" I ask with hope.

"I was wanting to recommend a classic scene from _Love Actually_ , but you're gonna say it's a cliché…"

I think for a moment, not noticing that Seungmin's gone to clean up the tables. My eyes light up.

"Cliché is good."

***

I knock on Hyunjin's door, not feeling anxious anymore. My body has gone through all the states of nervousness and now I'm too numb to feel it.

Because, to be honest, I feel like I'm gonna absolutely fuck up my life.

He opens the door and I put a finger to my mouth, hoping it will actually keep him quiet. Then I bring the cards to the front, not having the guts to back out now.

_Hello_ , the first one reads. I observe Hyunjin's reaction, but I cannot understand what's going on in his mind. I flip the cards.

 _You're so special to me_. His tender look makes me believe for a moment that I'm not going to end up heartbroken.

 _Not special like that_ , followed with another card full of superheroes cutouts. Hyunjin giggles and it's a beautiful sound.

 _But you are more special._ My heart stops when I get to that one.

 _So I want to say special things about you._ I don't know why, but Hyunjin's face makes me believe he's terrified, even though he has absolutely no reason to.

 _I_.

_Like._

_You._

I can't stand the awkward silence. "Do you know what I'm feeling towards you now?" I say then.

"Jisung, this is awesome," Hyunjin exclaims happily. My life flashes in front of my eyes. _Is this real?_ "You're finding a way for me to get back with Dowoon, aren't you?"

_What?_

"Thank you, but I don't want to be with anyone right now," he continues, but my mind is blank.

I stare at him in horror as the last card falls from my hands.

"I love you, my friend," he says tenderly, stepping closer to me and throwing his long arms around me in a tight hug.

_But I hate you so much_ , I think, unable to say anything more as he drags me inside his apartment.

He sits right next to me on the sofa in the middle of his living room, his legs almost touching mine and one of his hands behind my back. His stare directed at me is so intense that I stop thinking for a moment about that disaster of a confession.

"How are you?" he asks, worry and interest in his voice. "Do you have anyone that you're talking to?"

I choke on my spit. Hyunjin immediately panics, and fidgets around, not knowing what to do, but the moment I stop coughing, he repeats the question.

"Why are you asking me this?" I get defensive. I have no idea what his intentions are, but he never questioned my (nonexistent) love life.

His hand suddenly put on my knee sends shivers down my whole body. "I always tell you my stories, I want an update on your life too. So, do you have anyone?"

I don't get why he's so persistent. "Nope," I answer shortly, hoping to end this topic, and take out my phone.

I don't suspect that Hyunjin will grab it out of my hands to _see the girl I like_.

"Hyunjin, give it back!"

"No!" he hollers back, almost lying on the sofa to keep me from taking my phone back. "Is it this one? She's pretty."

"Stop it!" I yell, surprised at my own volume. Jumping at the opportunity, I grab my phone back and hide it.

Hyunjin seems dumbfounded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you."

And I know that he didn't. But after my unsuccessful attempt to confess I'm easily irritated and definitely not in a mood for teasing.

"I just want to know who my best friend likes and if they're good enough for you," he says, a sad tint in his voice, and I start to feel bad about the whole situation. "But it's all good, don't worry. You can tell me when you're ready. I will always be your first support."

_Before that, maybe you should understand I was trying to confess to you, dumbass_.

***

"What the fuck?" Felix seems entertained in his despair as he throws a paper ball in my face when I'm back at his place after returning from the disastrous confession. "I knew he's dumb, but I didn't know it was that bad."

I sigh, agreeing with him for once. "His stupidity makes me wanna give up." I shrug, then fling myself on bed next to Felix. "I want to give up on him."

Felix turns his face to me. "Don't give up yet! I actually have another idea."

I hum questioningly.

"For someone as stupid as him, maybe you have to be more blunt," he explains. "Try getting closer to him first, then straight up confess, huh?" Felix snaps his fingers. "I have a plan. But you have to be shameless."

"What? Your condo got flooded?" It's Hyunjin who first says anything.

We're all sitting in Seungmin's coffee shop, Felix with his hand on my shoulder and the worried looks of the other two directed at my bent head.

I hum in response. "I don't have anywhere to go." My eyes start welling up with tears. Now I'm so glad to think about the sad video with a dog I saw the other day and the fact that I can remember it in this exact moment.

This time Felix reacts and I almost cringe at his awful acting skills, but the others seem to buy it. "Poor Jisung," he says, hugging me tightly. "Don't cry, because I'll cry too." He sits back in his place when I stealthily pat his back a little too hard. "Do you want to sleep over at mine? But my room is so small," he adds too quickly for it to be believable, although somehow I don't notice anything unsettling in either Seungmin's or Hyunjin's looks. "You need to find a bigger apartment…" He side-eyes Hyunjin.

"You can sleep at mine," Seungmin says and I internally panic. "You gotta help a friend when they need it." Then he turns around to clean up our mugs.

I turn away from Hyunjin, facing Felix and trying to convey all my feelings in a look. _Another one of his goddamn plans is failing!_

That's how we end up at Seungmin's place. I've never been here before and I can't help but notice how much smaller it is than either mine, Hyunjin's or even Felix's rooms. It's also so messy I'm actually fearing to breathe inside for a moment. There's everything _everywhere_. Pizza boxes on the bed with leftover pizza that I'm pretty sure is rotten already, comic books all over the floor, covered with random clothes and sheets of paper with notes. I'm almost certain I can hear a cockroach crawling next to my feet, but I try to convince myself I'm hallucinating.

"It's a little bit messy," Seungmin says, scratching his neck in embarrassment. "Sorry."

 _A little bit?,_ I think. "It's okay," I reply. "It's your room, no need to apologise. Where can I put my stuff?"

"Anywhere is fine," Seungmin mutters, trying to clean up the mess at least a bit.

Hyunjin stops me from dragging my suitcase further into the room with a hand on my shoulder. "I think you should actually stay with me. I feel bad for both of you, having to stay in such a small room."

I exchange knowing looks with Felix, trying not to smile. Is his plan actually working?

***

I'm sitting on the sofa in Hyunjin's apartment in my usual place, on the right hand side, while he's preparing my room for me. My gaze wanders around. I'm feeling like it's the first time with me sleeping over at Hyunjin's place, even though there was a time when I used to stay the night here at least once a week. It's the first time though with me being his roommate.

"Where are Felix and Seungmin?" he asks, coming out of the bedroom.

"Seungmin went to close up the shop properly," I reply slowly. "And Felix said he needed to work on some photos."

"Do you want me to move your stuff to your room?" Hyunjin questions, already grabbing one of my bags.

I shake my head. "It's fine, I'll do it myself later. I still have to go buy a shampoo."

"You don't need to go," he tuts. "You can use my stuff." His tender gaze studies me carefully.

I grin widely. "If you're this nice, I'll use all of your skin care products and your perfume," I tease.

Hyunjin also giggles and that sound makes me feel truly at home. "Damn you! If you're going to share this much, let's just share our bodies then."

"Just bodies?" I let my voice become even more playful. "You should take my heart too."

Hyunjin goes quiet as laughter dies in his throat. He studies me slowly, leaning closer to me.

"Jisung," he whispers and my heart suddenly beats faster. "Don't say this ever again to someone else."

I furrow my brows in confusion. "Why?"

"Because that person will fall in love with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to write, hope it was worth the wait :)


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